Could You Love a Murderer? | Andreea Pavel

I’m going to assume you read the title of this article before clicking on it. I’m also going to assume that your immediate answer would be a straightforward yes or no, unless you say it depends (don’t be that person).

"A little context if you care to listen, I find myself in a s*** position..." is probably the song going through in your head right now (it's RAYE's 'Escapism', for reference).

You’re sitting at home with your spouse when the police suddenly arrive to arrest your beloved for murder. That should make you lose your appetite. This is shocking information to you. Your partner has always been a golden retriever type, certainly incapable of murder, but the evidence is very strong as their fingerprints were found on the murder weapon. (Remember to always use gloves! I'm kidding…sort of.) Your spouse begs you to believe them, but after all who wouldn’t? Pleading innocent is much easier that pulling a 360 on your lover and going "Fun fact! I’m actually a murderer."

This question is this: do you believe them even if the evidence is strong?

I'm neither a psychology nor philosophy student, but this is what philosophers call the ethics of belief. This question will explore your ethical duties and the way you think.

The question isn’t "What would you do?" because you couldn’t find your spouse guilty in the court as you wouldn’t be on the jury in the first place. It’s about what you believe to be true.

There are two factors to consider:

Evidence

Philosophers think evidence is all you need to think about to decide what you think. This idea is called evidentialism. So, from an evidentialist perspective you must either conclude your loved one is guilty or, best case scenario, neutral. This view is generally considered the rational one by philosophers; some may even argue it is unethical to ignore the evidence that is right in front of you.

Your spouse and your marriage

By not trusting your spouse you could be betraying them, and such profound lack of trust would ruin your marriage completely. You could pretend to forgive them, but could you live a life full of lies? (Liars seem to do it all the time with relative ease, but that’s not the point.) This theory of belief is called pragmatism. The idea that it’s okay to believe them without strong evidence, because you have a particular duty towards your spouse and want to save your marriage. This is tough because marriage is like a house: you build it brick by brick and design the interior in a way you both like.

So, what has more weight on your judgement? Evidence or your bond with your spouse? I don’t think either side has got it completely right; it's all about your belief and connection to that person. Lady Gaga was in love with a criminal and she sounded like a boss in that song, so I think it would be alright. The people that were arguably more rational believed the evidence and became celebrities in their local newspaper. So honestly, both ways are a win-win.

I asked my friend about it and she said she would believe her husband and still be with him, even if the evidence is correct. That was a shock, so ask your friends this question ASAP – you'll learn more about them than you think.

If you still don’t know where you stand, I’ve generated a quiz to see which type you would be. Even if you've committed to a side, let’s test your beliefs!

1. The police arrive at your door and arrest your spouse for murder. The evidence is strong—fingerprints on the murder weapon, surveillance footage, and a motive you never knew about. Your spouse pleads with you, saying they are innocent. What is your first reaction?

A) I immediately believe my spouse. There must be an explanation.

B) I need to see the evidence before making a decision.

2. You have always trusted your spouse completely. How much does that trust weigh in your decision?

A) Trust is everything—I can’t just throw it away because of evidence.

B) Trust is important, but hard evidence can’t be ignored.

3. If you stand by your spouse, your friends and family might question your judgment. What do you do?

A) I don’t care what anyone thinks—I will stand by my spouse.

B) I need to take a step back and think logically, even if it makes me look cold.

4. You get the chance to see all the evidence firsthand. It looks very convincing. How do you respond?

A) There has to be another explanation. I believe my spouse no matter what.

B) I can’t ignore solid proof. I have to accept the truth.

5. If your spouse confessed to the crime but said it was an accident, would you still stay with them?

A) Yes. An accident is different from murder—I could forgive them.

B) No. A crime is a crime, and I couldn’t be with someone who did that.

Results:

• Mostly As: You prioritize love over evidence. Loyalty and trust are the foundation of your beliefs, and you would stand by your spouse no matter what. Pragmatism plays a role in your thinking—you value your relationship over hard facts.

• Mostly Bs: You prioritize facts over emotions. You believe in evidence and logical reasoning, even if it means facing hard truths. You lean toward evidentialism, believing that ignoring proof would be unethical.

• A mix of both: You are torn between facts and love—you want to trust your spouse, but you also can’t ignore evidence. You’d likely struggle with this decision and try to find a middle ground.