If you’ve had the delightful experience of having your patience tested to the limits, buttons pressed beyond repair and an ebbing will to make conversation then you’ve wandered into the chaotic world of siblinghood.
All in all, such an experience is subjective, of course there are power duos such as the Weasley twins or the tennis champions Venus and Serena, yet it is frankly impossible to avoid the dreaded dispute that comes in the fine print of ‘sibling love’. Therefore when I was greeted with the poetic words of my 12 year old sister: ‘I hate you so much each day I wake up and see your face it makes me feel sick’, you can imagine how I dramatized the slam of a door and called for the assistance of my mother.
That evening we had had an argument that seemed to have been boiling up on the periphery of our busy lives, in her eyes I seemed distant and cold, constantly urging her to find a more productive hobby than farming ‘primogems’ which were somehow essential to her everyday life. Whereas to me she appeared spoilt and had formed a rather concerning addiction to her computer screen. However, where both our opinions and perspectives converged was at the grey border of our understanding for one another, clearly jeopardised by our inability to open our eyes to the others perspective.
It was easy for me to think that this was indeed the norm of sibling encounters, a war of love and hate that was never going to see an end, however could it be possible that there were other paths to surviving in harmony?
For the first time we spoke to each other in a manner other than the casual talk and ridiculous spontaneous acapella musical numbers, the 4 year gap between us had never seemed so great. I was afraid of losing her without having realised that was already a mission long in progress. My sister had just become another entity whom I shared a room with and the ‘sisterly bond’ my parents spoke of had completely disintegrated.
You’re probably expecting me to tell you a heroic story of how we got back in touch and solved it all with a big hug instigated by our mother. For one, the hug was an awfully awkward social encounter, but two, nothing seems to have changed. The conversation ended that day with the classic ‘sorry’ yet would not go any further from there. Each day I return home to my apartment and am faced with the same young girl with whom I cherish millions of memories with, of hikes through forests and aggressive fistfights, of old Christmases and school roleplays, yet the most heart-breaking element is that all these moments are mere still pictures of a journey to the monotone relationship of today. One of small talk and family logistics. Yet if this quiet and distant sisterhood isn’t causing trouble, why change it?
The compass of nostalgia is pointing to a world of togetherness and understanding, yet the reality of today has made its choice along a chartered path. I cannot keep forcing my sister to the table for a game of Rummikub, nor can I drag her by the hand to watch a movie with me.
It would be unfair. Because as much as I hate her unwillingness to move away from the world of ‘Genshin impact’, there was once a time where my stubborn 12 year old self was just as mean and attitude filled, obsessed with climbing the ranks of the ‘osu’ leader board, more intertwined with friends than with my one sister who had been too young to find friends at school whilst her ignorant sister would also be busy.
So, I am faced with the cruel riddle of hypocrisy, how can I reverse the tide of disparity drowning our connection out as the days pass by?
The hopeless optimist in me is still searching for an answer, but maybe the way to solving a problem is to let it play out its course, to let the magic hand of fate lead the way into an unknown future. Maybe one day the same realization will dawn on her as it has on me, and only then will we talk, for real. Till that day we will sail the turbulent tides of everyday squabbles and stupid jokes, and one day arrive at a new era of better understanding, and then we will have completed our odyssey of sisterhood.
Yet someone whom you long to understand and share memories with doesn’t have to be share your room or be labelled a relative, you don’t need a sibling to sail this course, nor does it have to be a single sister. Instead ‘sibling’ can take the form of multiple definitions, in the end it’s a mere experience, one that hides in the corners of our everyday life, testing our patience, making sacrifices to share and deciding on our time management.
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