We are all slowly starting to enter early adulthood which will be a new, interesting period in all our lives. It’s the time you start working or going to university. It’s the time you start to leave your parents or carers behind. It’s the time you learn the art of not caring and of discerning what truly matters: dancing and eating. And maybe a bit of reading or watching movies.
Mastering the skill of not giving a s**t will help you keep a smile on your face, literally. I recently got dumped (sort of...you know how it is with situationships) and started getting overwhelmed, questioning all the things I thought I did wrong, like replying too quickly or saying the wrong things or not making him laugh enough. First of all, if you ever feel this way then you are not with the “right” person, because no one should make you feel bad about not making them laugh. As I was writing this all down in my cute little journal – I feel like Rory Gilmore whenever I open it – I began to realise how absurd it was that I was feeling bad about liking this guy. By shifting my thought process from feeling horrible to feeling “oh well... who’s next?”, I felt so much less stressed and so much more at peace.
We need to learn to set boundaries with people and situations to avoid getting carried away in a wave of self-hate that will drain you. Whether it's a toxic relationship or an unrealistic expectation, understand that it’s okay if something doesn’t happen the way you want it to. In 5 years' time, I can assure you, you won't remember or care about what happened because life changes and that’s the beauty of it. Holding on to negative experiences hinders your progress and happiness. Treat yourself to some compassion for once (especially the people at Harris Westminster who hate themselves for getting 24/25 on an exam).
It’s okay. Reflect on what went wrong, learn from it and then, as Elsa once brilliantly put it, let it go.
The Greek philosopher Epictetus recognized that worrying, complaining about, and investing emotional energy into things we cannot change or control is a fast track to demoralization, depression, and burnout. He saw that focusing on things you can influence fosters a sense of vitality in an individual. “He is a wise man who does not grieve for the things which he has not, but rejoices for those which he has.” Apart from the slight sexism in the common use of “he”, Epictetus' words are quite refreshing. Why bother thinking about what you do not and cannot have when you can simply chill in London in a royal park?
It takes time to change our habits. It takes time to move on, especially when something has been the source of a lot of stress or anger. Yet know that moving on does not mean letting go, nor forgetting; it just means to accept and live on. Aw how poetic Adele.
Take my advice seriously. I am someone who does not take my own advice, but recently found that it is too draining to keep feeling bad about things I had no control over.
It’s going to be okay. Move on.
Keep calm and carry on.
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